2014 was a difficult year, and I learnt that it wasn't just an insane one for me but also a really tough one for a lot of people in my life. Was this year cursed? Was it not meant to be great for everyone? Or rather, anyone? Surely, someone must have written a book or a song in some part of this world 365 (ok 367) days ago to make a mess of these dates and time. I experienced a couple of things I could honestly have lived on without, at many points this year I wanted to just lay completely still, hoping I could blend in with the lines and curves of my furniture and just lay there, I really didn't want to face any of it. I was always pretty good at running away from my problems, until my problems started becoming people — some I could avoid (even desperately so) and some, I really just couldn't. I love people — I love hearing their chatter and watching their shadows line my path home, I love being around people I work with — when we come together to make something bigger than all of us, something that stretches beyond the walls of underground practice rooms and synthetic grass and all the other mundane things. I love people. And humanity is uGLY — I'm not so blind to believe that we aren't, but maybe I love people in candid frames, who wear jackets too huge for their own size and shoes that were torn and overworn and comfortable and above all, their own. Maybe.
I hope this doesn't sound too cocky and gross, I'm trying to be really honest here, do bear with me! Studies and academics were never something I really really struggled with. I mean, I did face troubles, but my best was always enough to pull my grades up — this year, my best wasn't. I didn't know what to do, it was like cutting out paper patterns on the wrong end of the fold, everything was just wrong from the start and I couldn't glue back the edges, everything was destined to be wonky. At the end of the day, I managed to scrape by promos with so-so results, which I am grateful for. Yet at the same time, I am disappointed.
A couple of days before promos, I wrote a list of good people in my life and bad people in my life because at that point I really didn't think I had anyone, and it was shameful and Athena, I will always be grateful for what you made me do that day, I believe it was that day that got me out of my ditch. I knew I had people, I just didn't believe I did. Idk if there really is a difference but that was how it felt like.
2014 was full of downs, I could list every single one — they were so hard to forget. But there were so many ups. Do the downs reduce the prominence of the ups? Maybe. Do they eradicate the presence of the ups? Never. Nothing could. And a year could be tough but we all survived it anyway. I really like this quote, although I can't remember exactly how it goes or where I heard it from, but it says something like "Time doesn't stop for anyone, so when life goes on, we go on with it" HEHE I like the last part. So, we go on with it, we will come out tattered and bruised but those will be fixed and they will just be battle scars we will one day be proud of.
anyway!!!!! I came up with New Year Resolutions!!!!! I did not accomplish ANY of my 2014 resolutions, pretty disappointing, so I will definitely do my best to accomplish my 2015 goals!! here goes:
1) Exercise regularly n be fit!!!!!!!
^this has been dragging on for far too many years, ITS TIME.
2) BE HOME ON TIME
^i s2g I am never ever home on time and my mum always scolds me for it HAHAHAH so far I have not been late in 2015 and I plan on keeping it that way.
3) Understand physics
^i am exhausted by how bad I am at this subject, I can carry this on no longer, time to actually grasp the information I've been forcing down for months.
4) Honours' Roll for prelims!!
^I WILL find my secondary sch academic strength back (somehow)
5) Be a senior worth looking up to
6) Get an A in MEP Practical and do well in band
^well, not just decently or okay or passable, but well!!! it is a legacy that I want
7) Be more thoughtful n show it!!!!
8) Love well & deep & wide, regardless
Happy New Year, everyone! :-)