falling or fallen 🍃🍂

the mind-trick game we used to play in class last year;
falling or fallen
that was always my favourite
not A-B-C-D or how many meh-mehs jumped over the wall
maybe it's because that was the only one I actually got at the first try
I always liked being correct - it didn't happen often - I treasure these moments
falling or fallen? I'd ask this over and over
no one would get it - okay except sometimes maybe one or two

never did I think life would slap this question back into my face
falling or fallen? 
only this time, I didn't know the answer
but perhaps, now that I look at it, 

I've fallen

fallen - it's in past tense
that irks me
the thought of having 'fallen' always made me angry
it feels submissive, helpless even
I didn't like being helpless
your mixed signals bring me pain
I'm going to make this stop